my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
