Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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