I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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