PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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