I puked a lego.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
