If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
