Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
how does that bad decision feel?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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