Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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