His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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