She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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