He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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