After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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