This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
