Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
