And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
