Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
