i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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