if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
