I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How does one acquire holy water?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
