ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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