I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
