the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
