the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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