the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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