this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
