I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
