I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
