i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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