just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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