told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
