I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
