My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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