Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
