My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
