i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
