I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
