my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
