Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
