3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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