she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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