she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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