No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
