Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
