At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
