Me too!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
