Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
