I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
