why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
