i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
