fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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