I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
