It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
